Rule #50 // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated. As stated in the Rules of Velominati
No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
Grown men shave their legs!
If you don’t shave your legs you can’t belong with the road fraternity, its that simple! You are just not part of the cool crowd. If you ride road bikes and race regularly, show up to a road race with hairy legs, and you’ll be guaranteed to get a few odd looks. “This joker can’t expect to beat me; I gotta move up and stay away from this newbie.” To the uninitiated, Why shave legs? Expect to hear a myriad of reasons for keeping the legs silky smooth, sometimes smoother than a women’s! You might hear reasons like, shaved legs are good for massage or if you crash the road rash sustained is much cleaner than if it was full of hair that just ripped out chunks of your skin. Or the claim that shaved legs makes you faster and more aero. But despite whatever practical reason is thrown at you, the basic underlying reason for shaving legs is two-fold: show off your muscle definition if you have any and to conform to the rules of the cycling fraternity. Shaving legs also pronounces that sharp tan line that announces to your competitors just how much training you have logged in.
Embrocation Cycling Journal posted a humorous account about the motivation underlying shaving legs, while Wade Wallace from Cycling Tips debates whether or not to shave those legs. Bike Radar wrote a recent piece on this subject on August 3, 2013 in Q&A format. The Guardian published a very informative piece about shaving legs, asking different types of riders: from the high level pros to the average amateur rider. Bicycling also comes to the party with their view-point! After reading all this, plus my short article, you should be able to decide if leg shaving is for you or not!
When you show up to a bike race, you’ll see many a guy ogling other men’s legs, trying to work out who is going to be the fastest. In the Asian peloton, many of the Asian riders have ripped looking legs that look damn intimidating, but when it comes to muscling in the sprint, many of them are no where to be seen. The shaven, glistening, rippled legs flashing about at the start-line just serves to intimidate you. Don’t be intimidated by it. Just focus on yourself and shave your legs for whatever reason you deem worthy. Further, according to the esteemed rules of Velominati, Rule #50 states “you never should shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need it to kick ass”.
If you’re lazy, you aught to join the beauty salon with your wife or girl friend, and get a waxing treatment. If you’re particularly hairy in chest and back regions, you might want to undergo the intense pain of waxing; you’ll feel so much cooler when you head out riding in hot weather. I mean that both figuratively and literally. It takes a strong man to survive a full waxing treatment!
Shaved legs are the hallmark of the dedicated cyclist. It is PRO. It shows your fellow cyclists in the brotherhood your level of commitment to the sport. It’s like the rippling of muscles from racehorses as they jostle about getting ready to line up for battle. Yes there is justification in grown men with shaved legs. Bottom-line it looks PRO.